don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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