I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
