u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
