Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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