the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just blew my weed a kiss
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
