Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
