Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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