Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
