YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
