So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
