you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
