I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
