I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
