Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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