She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
