tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
