I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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