M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
