I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
