i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
