Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
