he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
