im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
