I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
