How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
