Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
