her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
