after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
