Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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