Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
