Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
