his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Be still, my beating vagina.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
