Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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