Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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