woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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