you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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