Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
