my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
