I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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