did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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