woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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