dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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