whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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