Well douche your snatch and let's go!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
