as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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