so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
