dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My vagina is officially offended.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
