i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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