that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
