I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
