R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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