I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
