Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
