Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
