I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How's work?
Spinning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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