Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
